They said in the end the journey is worth much more than the eventual goal or final destination, it is the path where we laugh we cry and we learn that we can truly fly even if it is albeit just temporarily.

But what happens when you truly question, what it means to be happy, what it means to be shallow, why does the feeling happen and arise that we are just a visitor anywhere and everywhere and we dont truly belong…

Surrounded by conspiracies and conspirators..A world that expects me to get used to being used..Insanity of belonging and longing..How am I to hold sway I just wanna float away…

Afternote: After all this I did sit through one of my goal writing and where do I see myself and what I want things, even talked it out with someone and do feel better about myself thinking, a few random wake up calls at regular intervals serves you even better in the said Pursuit of Happiness..

I had read an article today, how fear of the unknown stops us from getting closer to the things and people yearn for, this might be due to the fear of failure, the fear of rejection or fear of disruption of the so-called status-quo that exists.Maybe its just not the fear of the unknown, but the fear of the naysayers & the fear of going against the norm of what has been instilled deep in you as your core values. The point of faltering is when you begin to question it all, whether its worth all the effort, is the goal so desirable, the rejection that might come with it so acceptable and are the stakes manageable.

What tugs at your heart strings and the pathways controlling your mind is when you get brushes with those feelings, experiences or people who you yearn for, it’s almost as if they are a taste of the feast you could have, but seem to want to avoid at present. These moments so to speak seem destined, as if in a way to mock you, to test you, to check whether you are on the right path, whether you are moving sluggishly & maybe just to tell you that you gotta stop to smell the proverbial roses lining the path that you currently think meets your needs.

Just to look back and see how time has flied, how the kid in you has grown and matured and yet trying to maintain a sense of childishness to fight off the sense of the tedium that represents the responsibilities that come with adulthood. Elders who hint at the future of shouldering the burden, of social commitments expected at large from you. Still in me head, just being someone who is trying with his might to be the non-conformist, feeling out of place in surroundings that might soothe otherwise. Trying hard not to let any label define or keep me confined within its predetermined boundaries.

Yet amidst it all looking for a sort of emotional attachment from someone who you cherish as a friend, dreading the expectations in your own head of it morphing into something committal from unexpected quarters. Befriending old acquaintances, rediscovering forgotten souls, wanting to get close with someone atop a euphemistic perch, not knowing what intrigues you about them, who sometimes swoop by to give you a trailer of the thrill that awaits if you join them.

Wishing you give yourself up for all of them, but bound by the reality of the world that only lets you have one over the other. A possibility I quite don’t know how to fathom, would the ecstasy of one make me forget the thrills of near glimpses assaulting from all sides, becoming of an enigma for my mind to ponder over.

Of the games that people play, and how to comprehend it all, to make a model out of it and quite possibly control them thru a sort of reverse psychological mechanism. Marking those games out that form the core of the human psyche, & in the end maybe make sense of the ultimate game, which is so to put it a massively multi player one where we play different roles and in which we are the main character, interacting with thousands on our way to our eventual exit from the game, to meet its creator the only one who knows all the rules governing it.

Note: Late Night Writing, providing an escape from the monotony of metal-cutting machine theory and the dread we label as sleep. Hard to put down real names, for evidence of something concrete, yet in the end the delirium persists compounded by the night blooms outside my balcony which just embolden me to act out stupid. But from which I desist with a pragmatism that has led me to most of my decisions. Is it the smell that will enchant me towards a leap of faith, a ploy of the ultimate creator to lead me down a path essential for my game to get that required boost into a territory only vaguely defined as my destiny.

Yet the thought that lingers and of which my delirium feeds off is that isn’t the real world all but a lie, a lie we have to rise above to realize the ultimate truths…

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami, don't want to get into a book review over here but I think this is one of the best books I have read after maybe Glass Palace by Amitav Ghosh. Though it contains none of the intense quandries that Murakami puts in place in his other books, the characters are so memorable. I probably re-read it once in 6 months and just fall in love.

I could so associate with the main character Toru the lazy, considerate guy, stuck in his past, of his sense of responsibility and his weird love life. Also Midori I just feel for her,Toru should have given her a better chance, where else can you find such a cute naughty girl with a pixie cut.

The scene on the roof-top of the supermarket and what follows is one of the best cute romantic encounters ever. Some of the lines that stayed with me include :

You were so nice to me when I was having my problems, but now that you're having yours, it seems there's not a thing I can do for you. You're all locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of look up for a second and go right back inside.

“How much do you love me?” Midori asked.

“Enough to melt all the tigers in the world to butter.”

"Of course life frightens me sometimes. I don't happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. I'm going to give it hundred percent and go as far as I can. I'll take what I want and leave what I don't want. That's how I intend to live my life, and it things go bad, I'll stop and reconsider at that point. If you think about it, an unfair society is a society that makes it possible for you to exploit your abilities to the limit."

After reading all these lines, I just want to read it all again and experience that intoxicating high this book gives me.. ^_^

The part that lies end up defining us, as we drop small lies to keep the peace, to maintain a sense of mystery or to give solace in an hour of need. I do wonder how life would be if nobody ever lied or could lie would the world be a better place and life easier with a stop to the mind games we play with each other.

Taken from the manga Sunken-Rock, haven’t read it just randomly browsing through it and this struck me as so true. After re-reading it for the n-th time it made me think is this the sort of propaganda that was fed to young minds to justify means of an end which cause more suffering than to alleviate it. It seems perfect to ignite you, to make you fight for the cause and take back what was unjustly taken away from you because it is justice and attainment of this justice is your sacred right. You have divine backing, you feel invincible, you deem yourself a keeper of the light and a protector of your people who is to stop you ?

Throughout the ages, the divine cause has been brought on to justify means, because we have a fear of the unknown and God is the only one who pervades it and the one who can protect us. Thus, if something is deemed as God’s will against infidels who are agnostic it is but a given that we will rise to fight in the name of the Almighty. I remember a line read in the Gita, where Arjun is confused about his moral duty of fighting his cousins and great uncles and Lord Krsna brings him to ease by saying it is the God’s will and hence your Karma to carry out the noble task.

But in this day and age where scientific thought has prevailed over the literate masses, I guess the only way for the common man to believe the truth and join the just cause whatsoever it maybe as Like Lord Buddha so beautifully said: “Don’t believe anything you hear, even If I have said it, Until you have experienced it for yourself.”

If we go around saying FML ,my life is defined by BS, or these MFs don't know how to act, we aren't going to try to look beyond the problems at at solution. When it comes to people swearing makes your heart smaller and immune to those around you, you stop caring and just treat it all as the facts of life.

And no I'm not being a douche over here with these thoughts..

To forget about the past, to which I clinged for the feeling of love and too look at different avenues before it brought my downfall. To experiment more with life, to give new people a chance to enter my life and probably not be too rigid with my emotions.

Lastly I guess just be more active,don't stop playing Basketball and Volleyball, cuz you never know when the next time to play often will come and just write all those crazy stuff you get in your head, because later on you are going to face serious creativity deficiency attacks..